Lifestyle

The morning is enormously important.  It’s the foundation from which the day is built.  How you choose to spend your morning can be used to predict the kind of day you’re going to have.

When I awake in the morning, my mind gradually gathers, and I begin to move as the early morning light is just starting to seep through the windows.  My family is still sleeping.  It’s a peaceful beginning.

I stretch, have a glass of water, start the tea kettle, and practice a gratitude meditation for ten minutes.  Then I enjoy a cup of tea as I read one chapter of a good book.  And finally, I write for an hour before the busyness of the day begins.

Once my family awakes, I pause to join them for a short time and we follow some simple morning rituals together too.

This is just a rough sketch of my mornings, and they make me happy.

It wasn’t always this way though.  I used to awake in a hurry, rushing and cranky before stumbling into work and errands and meetings.  It was awful, but it was my life.  I didn’t know any better, so I didn’t think I could change things.  Thankfully, I was wrong.

I’ve changed my mornings, so they work for me and not against me, with just a few simple rituals.  And I’ve shared these morning rituals with thousands of coaching clients/students over the years, and many of them come back to me a month or two later and say, “Thank you!”  Perhaps they will help you as well.

1.  Get an early start.

If your mornings are chaotic, the simple solution is to get up a little earlier than the chaos.  This, of course, starts the night before by going to bed a bit earlier too.

Adjust gradually, wake up just 10 minutes earlier each week for the next 6-9 weeks, and you’ll barely notice the change from day to day.  This extra time will help you avoid stress, speeding tickets, tardiness and other unnecessary headaches.

2.  Meditate on the goodness.

Begin each day with love, grace and gratitude.  When you arise in the morning think of what an incredible privilege it is to be alive – to be, to see, to hear, to think, to love, to have something to look forward to.  Happiness is a big part of these little parts of your life; joy is simply the feeling of appreciating it all.

Realize that it’s not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.  Make a habit of noticing the goodness that’s already yours first thing in the morning, and you will see more goodness everywhere you look throughout the day.

3.  Stretch it out.

Simple, but so often forgotten… stretching your body in the morning has these key benefits:

• Creates an increased range of movement in the body’s joints
• Enhanced muscular flexibility and coordination
• Increased circulation of the blood to various vital organs
• Increased mental and physical energy levels (resulting from increased movement and circulation)

If you’re uncertain about how to stretch properly, you can find hundreds of great tutorials on YouTube.  Choose one that you think will suit you best and practice it for a minute or two every morning.  You will sense a change yourself, guaranteed.

4.  Drink a tall glass of water before consuming anything else.

Another obvious practice that goes by the wayside…

Your body is more than 60% water, and when you’ve been sleeping all night without drinking any water, it gets dehydrated and desperate for hydration.  So quench your thirst with exactly what your body needs.  Avoid drinking coffee, tea or other beverages before you have at least one tall glass of water.  By doing so your body will start to wake up and you’ll naturally feel more energized and alive.  (Read Healthy Habits.)

5.  Keep things simple.

One of my personal mistakes several years ago was trying to fit too much into my mornings.  When I first started waking up early I wanted to workout, meditate, handle household chores, read, write, cook breakfast, reply to work emails, run errands, etc., and it turns out I couldn’t do all those things.  I was waking up early and stressing myself out.  I made my early mornings just as packed as the rest of the day.

What has helped me is having a few key things I do early, but not being over-committed to lots of goals and agendas.  I’d rather have space and flexibility, which makes the time much more peaceful and useful.  So the glass of water, stretching, gratitude meditation, tea, reading and writing are the only agendas I have on most mornings, but I’m flexible with those also.

6.  Do a few things that move you.

Again, DO NOT fill your mornings with things you have to do… but, DO have a few things you can’t wait to get out of bed and get started on.  For me, that goes back to my short list, which includes reading and writing – two of my greatest passions.  For you, perhaps a long meditative walk, yoga, prayer, painting, or simply reading the morning paper.

In other words, don’t just have a long list of things you think you should do but don’t really want to do.  Give your early mornings to yourself as a gift.

7.  Read, review or listen to something that nurtures your mind.

Some of the happiest and most successful people I know read a bit of scripture each morning, some read inspiring books, articles or quotes, while others listen to radio, podcasts or audio programs that move them to get their day started.  The key is having a ritual focused on absorbing small doses of self-improvement content to stretch and nurture your perspective and knowledge base.  It starts the day off on a positive note with positive, productive ideas to guide your day’s journey.  And that’s crucial, because your thoughts guide your reality.

So indulge in something positive every morning when you awake, and let it inspire you to do something positive before you go back to sleep at night.  That’s how memorable, manageable days are made.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Inspiration” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

8.  Be present, breathe, and appreciate the space between activities too.

Your early morning moments aren’t just about the things you do; they’re also about the open space between the things.  That means the space itself is something to be appreciated as well.

So if you meditate and read, the morning isn’t just valuable because of the meditation and reading… the space around those two activities is also incredible.  The time spent walking over to your meditation mat, or finding your book, or turning the pages, or pouring a cup of tea, or sitting and watching the sunrise… these little open spaces are just as important as anything else.

Pace yourself so you’re not hurrying from one thing to the next, but instead noticing and appreciating the spaces in between, too.

9.  Move on gracefully to what’s most important.

As human beings we are goal oriented.  We like making progress.  When we accomplish one of our goals, we smile about it.  That’s why the happiest people I know are also some of the most successful people I know.

As your early morning winds down, the key is to funnel your attention directly into the right things, not the urgent things.  Because at some point we all wonder, “Why is it so impossible to get everything done?”  And the answer is stunningly simple: We’re doing too many of the wrong things.

Several research studies have shown that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up.  Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones.  So if you want to be more successful, less stressed, and a lot happier at the end of each day, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”

Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do.  I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.

Afterthoughts

A great morning isn’t something that magically happens – it’s created consciously.

You don’t have to implement all these ideas, but I challenge you to try one or two and see how your mornings improve.

I bet you’ll begin to enjoy them as much as I do.

The floor is yours…

How do you like to start your mornings?  What helps you start the day off right?  Please let us know by leaving a comment below.

Photo by: Petr

Let’s face it, fewer moments are more awkward than trying to strike up a casual conversation with someone you don’t know very well.  Here are some quick tips to lighten up the situation:

1. Talk about who you know and what you have in common.  Mutual friends, bosses, hometowns, etc.
2. Ask relevant questions about life, work, hobbies, and pop-culture.  Keeping abreast of current events will provide you with great conversation builders.  Lead with “What do you think of…?”, “Have you heard…?”, “What is your take on…?”, etc.  Stay away from negative or controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded stories.
3. If you notice yourself getting bored with what you’re saying, stop talking, acknowledge the situation, and move on to the next topic.
4. Listen more than you talk.
5. With people you have never met before, limit stories to the last few moments of your life.  Bring up casual points about your current surroundings, like the funny music playing in the background or the tasty martinis the bar is serving.
6. Know a few interesting historical facts, like this one:  As a child, Albert Einstein seldom spoke.  When he did, he spoke very slowly – indeed, he tried out entire sentences in his head until he got them right before he spoke aloud.  Einstein did this until he was nine years old.  His parents were worried about his lack of talking.  But at last, at the supper table one night, he broke his silence to say, “The soup is too hot!”  Greatly relieved, his parents asked why he had never said a word before.  Albert replied, “Because up to now everything was in order.”
7. But realize that no one likes a person who thinks they know everything.
8. Prolonged pauses are the best time for that interesting historical fact.  Most people would rather listen to you talk about anything than listen to an awkward silence.
9. Watch your body language.  People who look ill at ease make others uncomfortable.  Act confident and comfortable, even when you’re not.
10. Let strangers interrupt you.  They’re not being rude, they’re assisting you.  Let them speak, and wait to be prompted before continuing your story.  It’s usually a good sign that they are actually listening to you.
11. If all else fails, just talk about the weather, which always gets people riled up (unless you live in Florida or Southern California).
12. And have a few exit lines ready so, if needs be, you can both gracefully move on.  For example, “I need to check in with a client over there,” “I skipped lunch today, so I need to grab a quick bite,” etc.

As long as you avoid anything personal, political, or controversial – at least during first encounters – and know which questions to ask, you’ll be talking the talk of certified socialite.  Also, read Dale Carnegie’s classic, How To Win Friends and Influence People, for a great read on this topic.

Photo by: Sharkbait

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
?Voltaire

If you keep asking yourself the wrong questions, you will never get an answer you like.

So take a deep breath and stop asking…

1.  “Why don’t they like me?”

The worst misery and loneliness is to feel unsure of yourself – like everyone else is ahead of you somehow.  When you’re feeling insecure like this, you don’t notice the hundreds of people around you who accept you just the way you are.  All you notice are the few who don’t.

Don’t let your insecurities bully you into a corner.  Don’t be your own victim.  Forget whether or not everyone else likes you, and focus on loving yourself more.  Accept, define and believe in the person you are.  For once you sincerely do, so will the rest of the people in your life who truly matter to you.

2.  “What will they think?”

Here’s a wake-up call for you:  When you’re worried about what others think of you, you’re really just worried about what you think of yourself.

At times you may flatter yourself indirectly by thinking that every little fault you see in yourself is also present in the minds of everyone around you, as if these people are constantly contemplating your personal strengths and weaknesses.  But the truth is, 99.9% of the time, they aren’t.

And regardless of whether others are judging you or not, you can’t control what they think.  The only thing you can control is yourself.  Some people will look down on you for your decisions in life no matter what they are.  You can’t do anything about that.  The only thing you can do is live in such a way that brings peace to your own heart and mind.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

3.  “What’s missing?”

Sometimes your biggest source of unhappiness comes from the fact that you keep thinking about where else you could be or who else you would like to become, rather than appreciating where you are and who you are now, and how far you’ve come to make this moment true.

In other words, much of what you call “unhappiness” is really just dissatisfaction as a result of overlooking the beautiful aspects of your life that you take for granted every day.  So how about you flip this question around and ask yourself: “What do I have now that I will miss when it’s gone?”

4.  “What if I’m not good enough?”

A fear of being defeated is what warrants your defeat.  A fear of not being good enough is what guarantees that you never will be.

If you never pick up that keyboard, or pencil, or paintbrush, or whatever instrument you use to craft your work, because you’re afraid that someone else might do it better than you, your prediction will automatically come true.  Remember, defeat is not the worst of failures.  Not having tried at all is as bad as it gets.

And as far as failure itself is concerned, you’re not obligated not to fail.  You’re obligated to keep trying – to do the best you can do every day.  That’s all.  And you’re always good enough to do that.  (Read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.)

5.  “How can I possibly move on?”

You CAN live without the people and situations of the past.  Period.

Life is change.  People and circumstances really do come and go every day.  Some stay in our lives longer than others, but everything eventually ends – it’s the cycle of life.  This is how it’s supposed to be.

If someone or something comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, but for some reason things change, don’t mourn for too long.  Be thankful that your paths crossed and that that you got the chance to experience something wonderful while it lasted.  Just because it ended, doesn’t make it any less amazing.

And remember, when one positive light in your life burns out, don’t use it as an excuse to shield yourself from all the other sources of light shining around you.  Continue to appreciate what you have now, and smile about the memories.  (Angel and I discuss this process of letting go and moving on in the Adversity chapter of 1000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

6.  “Why me?”

If you think that only a privileged few have the ability to live a great life, you are sabotaging yourself.  You are privileged – to be alive – to have this opportunity.

If every morning you wake up and say, “Yes, today is going to be a great day.”  And every afternoon you find a reason to say, “Yes, today is a great day.”  And every night you find a reason to say, “Yes, today was a great day.”  Then one day, many moons from now, you’ll look back, smile at the memories and say, “Yes, I lived a great life!”

Be the one of the valiant few who looks at their dreams and says, “WHY NOT ME?” and then goes for it!

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What negative questions do you sometimes ask yourself?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.

Photo by: Jan Faborsky

One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.

We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.

And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.  The bottom line is that every one of us is an addict, and what we are addicted to is avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.

Here are eight reasons so many of us miss out on life as it’s happening.

1. The fear of missing out. – If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way sometimes.  But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all.  You will always be missing something.  So let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment.  Celebrate the perhaps not altogether insignificant fact that you are alive right now.  This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect.  Take a deep breath, smile, and notice how lovely it is.  Read The Power of Now.
2. Avoiding pain and defeat. – Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be OK – you just need to learn a lesson or two first.  Don’t run from the realities of the present moment.  The pain and defeat contained within is necessary to your long-term growth.  Remember, there is a difference between encountering defeats and being defeated.  Nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know, so you can move on to the next step.
3. Holding on to what’s no longer there. – Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting past memories, and letting them steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let the past, go.  You must accept the end of something in order to begin to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.
4. Retelling a self-defeating story. – If we continue to repeat a story in our head, we eventually believe that story and embrace it – whether it empowers us or not.  So the question is: Does your story empower you?  Don’t place your mistakes on your mind, their weight may crush your current potential.  Instead, place them under your feet and use them as a platform to view the horizon.  Remember, all things are difficult before they are easy.  What matters the most is what you start doing now.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.
5. Attempting to fit in by becoming someone else. – The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be you, just the way you are in this moment.  We cannot find ourselves if we are always searching for, or morphing into, someone else.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  Be your own kind of beautiful right now, in the way only you know how.
6. The picture in your head of how it’s supposed to be. – What often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.  Although every good thing has an end, in life every ending is just a new beginning.  Life goes on – not always the way we had envisioned it would be, but always the way it’s supposed to be.  Remember, we usually can’t choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it.  Read The Last Lecture.
7. Berating yourself for not being perfect. – Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes.  Because even mistakes mean you’re trying.
8. Waiting, and then waiting some more. – Stop waiting for tomorrow; you will never get today back.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past.  It doesn’t matter how low or unworthy you feel right now.  The simple fact that you’re alive makes you worthy.  Life is too short for excuses.  Stop settling.  Stop procrastinating.  Start today by taking one courageous step forward.  If you are not sure exactly which way to go, it is always wise to follow your heart.

Photo by: Eliot

In life you get just about as many chances as you’re willing to take.

Almost two decades ago, when I told my grandmother I was worried about taking a chance and regretting my choice, she hugged me and said, “Trust me, honey, that’s not what you’re going to regret when you’re my age.  If anything, you will likely kick yourself a little for not taking more chances on the infinite number of opportunities you have today.”

And the older I get, the more I realize how right my grandmother was.  Life is about trusting yourself and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, learning from experience, appreciating the memories, and realizing that every step is worth your while…  But you’ve got to be willing to take each step.  You’ve got to give yourself a fair chance.

So here are some chances I would take if I were you – chances I have taken that I know you will not regret:

1. Trusting your intuition on new opportunities. – Life is too short to wait.  Every new day is another chance to change your life.  Every great accomplishment starts with the decision to try.  Trust that little voice inside your head that says, “What if…” and then GO DO IT.  Give yourself a fair chance.  You would be surprised how often “what if” works.  And no, you’re not obligated to win every time.  You’re obligated to keep trying – to do the best you can do every day – to improve upon what you learned yesterday.
2. Believing in your own abilities. – You have everything you need within you to become the best possible version of yourself.  Believe that you CAN.  Believe that you’re capable of pushing harder and farther than you have before.  Believe that you’re young enough, old enough, smart enough and strong enough to achieve your goals.  Don’t let false beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself.  And certainly don’t get sidetracked by other people who are not on track.
3. Making moves in the face of fear. – It’s often difficult to grow into your greatest self, but it’s a tragedy to let the lie of fear stop you.  So realize right now that fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in your head.  Be courageous.  Go after your goals.  Never let your fear steer your present or decide your future.  And remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is far more important than fear.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face.)
4. Taking a step forward today. – You will be dead one day.  Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s true.  The question is: Are you choosing to live right now?  Take a moment and think about.  Life doesn’t start when “this, that, or the other thing” is resolved.  This IS your time.  Life is now.  Do something with it.  Don’t wait it away.
5. Making your goals a priority. – If you want to live a happy, fulfilling life, tie yourself to meaningful goals, not just to people and things.  Never put off or give up on something that’s important to you… not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because you may not have tomorrow at all.  Life is shorter than it sometimes seems.  Make today count.  Take just one small step a day.  Approach the start of every day with one little goal and end the day with one little word.  DONE!
6. Working hard even when it hurts. – Remember, personal growth in all walks of life is a slow, steady process.  It can’t be rushed.  You need to work on it gradually every day.  There is ample time for you to be who you want to be in life.  Don’t settle for less than what you think you deserve, or less than you know you can be.  Despite the struggles you’ll inevitably face along the way, never give up on yourself.  You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as capable as you have ever imagined.  Keep going.
7. Upholding your standards. – What’s dreadful is to pretend that second-rate is first-rate.  To pretend that you don’t need love and respect when you do.  To lie to yourself and say everything is OK, when it isn’t.  Or to convince yourself that you like your work when you know darn well you’re capable of much better.  Bottom line: Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for the wrong reasons.
8. Bouncing back after rejection or failure. – When you are rejected from something good, it often means you’re being redirected to something better.  Be patient.  Be positive.  And remember, no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
9. Owning your situation. – Even when the going gets tough, own it!  If you’re struggling at a job you don’t love, look at it this way: you’re choosing to make a living to pay your mortgage, support your family, and fuel your dreams.  Don’t resist it; own it – that’s where your power is.  If you’re in a relationship that’s causing you pain, you’re choosing to be in it.  Maybe staying will lead to essential growth or a breakthrough or a deeper understanding of love.  Or not.  But you’re choosing to be in or out, right now.  Whichever you choose, own it – that’s where your power is.
10. Smiling anyway. – Don’t let one bad moment ruin your day.  Think of it as a bad minute, not a bad day, and you’ll be OK.  Stress begins when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list.  Happiness begins when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list.  So find something to be thankful for today.  Be sure to appreciate what you’ve got.  Be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot.
11. Being sincerely kind to everyone. – Kindness in words creates confidence and motivation.  Kindness in thinking creates positivity and possibility.  Kindness in giving creates strength and love.  Through kindness you have the ability to make a profound difference in every life you touch, including your own.  When you guide someone who is lost and confused, when you hold someone who is sad and grieving, when you hug someone who has lost all their hope, you too will feel yourself healing and growing stronger.  So do your little bit of good right where you are, because it’s these little bits of good put together that change the world.
12. Helping others create a better life for themselves. – Who you affect is more powerful than who you are at any given moment.  Because nothing is as enduring as a great memory.  In the end, its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, and feelings that last.  Stone cracks.  Wood rots.  Skin dies.  But great thoughts, beautiful experiences, and inspiring legends… they live forever.  If you can change the way people think and feel, the way they see themselves, and the way they interpret the world, it means you can change the way they live their lives, and how they affect others.  That is, by far, the longest lasting thing you can create.
13. Living with integrity and honor. – Integrity is choosing your actions based on moral values rather than personal gain.  It’s about living honorably.  It’s about doing the right thing, no matter what, even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.  At the end of the day, your reputation is what other people know about you.  Your honor is what you know about yourself.
14. Being weird in your own way. – We are all weird.  Life is weird.  And when we find weirdness in the world that makes us want to work hard, we call it passion.  And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love.  And if we zoom the lens way out, so we can see all the weird people of the world doing their thing, we realize being weird isn’t that weird after all.  It’s human nature.
15. Opening yourself to love. – Your greatest task isn’t to find love, but to discover and eliminate all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.  Even when you’re afraid, keep trusting – keep your heart and mind wide open.  Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of love.  As you find the good that exists in others and situations, you discover the love that exists within you.
16. Closing the door on old news. – Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back.  Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let it GO!  You must accept the end of something in order to begin to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere worth your while.  (Read Loving What Is.)
17. Taking time to simply BE where you are. – You will always be missing out on something.  You simply can’t have it all.  Thus, it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening elsewhere.  And that’s OK.  Let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are at this moment.  You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to value the things that are only yours.
18. Putting yourself out there and truly LIVING. – To laugh often and love genuinely.  To respect others and judge less.  To win the affection and sincere smiles of children.  To earn the regard of honest peers and endure the betrayal of fake friends.  To appreciate the beauty surrounding you wherever you are, whenever you are.  To find the good in people and situations.  To give what you can and leave the world a little better than you found it.  To have explored ideas and passions and sung at the top of your lungs in delight.  To know that at least one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is what LIVING is all about.

The floor is yours…

What are some other chances worth taking in life?  What’s one chance you have taken that you know you will never regret?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Fovea Centralis